The US and other Western Nations offer Iran assistance with their rat problem, in exchange for Iran’s nuclear program

Mutant Iranian Rat
Mutant Iranian Rat

Iran has a rat problem. A huge problem according to some iranian media, reporting that in some places, like the capital Tehran, rats outnumber people by a ratio of over 30 to 1.

Although the islamic republic is not a major proponent of the theory of evolution, like theocratic states tend to be, there are voices from inside the faithful pointing to the work of evolution in creating the current rat problem.

“They seem to have had a genetic mutation,” Ismail Kahram, an environmental adviser to the Tehran city council, said. “Initially seen around nuclear facilities, they are bigger now and look different. These are changes that normally take millions of years of evolution, but the latest uranium enrichment process has changed all that” he told the website Qudsonline.ir last month. He said cats are now smaller than some of Tehran’s rats, which can weigh up to 5kg. “Pretty soon some of these rats will be bigger than some humans, after which time hand to hand combat against them would be a difficult proposition.”

For the time beingĀ snipers have deployed in Tehran to combat this plague of “mutant” rats that are also increasingly resistant to poison. So far they’ve managed to shoot over 2,000 rats, but many more, perhaps in the millions still remain.

Like in the horror movie, “Planet of the rats”, gradually but steadily the rats are taking over the city from their previous human dwellers.

“It’s become a 24/7 war,” a grim-faced Mohammad Hadi Heydarzadeh, the head of Tehran municipality’s environmental agency, declared on state television last month. “We use chemical poisons to kill the rats during the day and the snipers at night. But they keep coming back, bigger and in greater numbers. Short of a weapon of mass destruction, nothing else can deal with them now.”

Sensing an opening other countries are offering to help. The US, with its experience combatting the rats of New York, along with other western nations are offering to kill all of Iran’s rats in exchange for Iran’s nuclear bomb program.

The latest technology has seen the solution to this problem in the form of drone cats. These robotic cats can fly and jump at any rat in sight, without ever stopping to play with their prey, meow or purr.

They are true rat killers and occasionally human killers too. They can certainly exterminate rats better than any nuclear bomb.

Which is the stated “civilian” stated use of Iran’s nuclear program.

 

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