A celibate man was elected Pope today, ending what was previously thought to be a difficult search for finding a man with all the necessary qualifications to be Pope.
At 76 and still a virgin, Jorge Bergoglio of Argentina donned the white robes of the new Pope Francis, to become the shepherd of the catholic flock of 1.2 billion people.
This man, one of the few men in the world to never have allowed thoughts of lust to even enter his mind, takes on his new job with a prayer and a prayer for his prayer.
A part of that prayer also goes to all of those catholic clergy who are under the immense temptation of young altar boys but are not as strong as Jorge Bergoglio who has lasted this long without falling prey to that temptation. Not even that, but this pope is a special man, who has not even for a minute of those 76 years masturbated even once, or had that thought cross his mind. Depriving himself the pleasures of the female body or any other body including his own body for that matter, this man kept himself a clean resume just to be considered for this job.
After a search for such a man in the continents of Africa, Europe and North America came up empty, at the bottom of South America this man with these rare resume was finally found.
His will power and his faith have been so strong so as to even block all nerve receptors which pass on messages of lust to the brain, even in his early adolescence. While other boys of the same age were vigorously masturbating, this particular boy, well aware of his eventual destiny, resisted all such urges, until today that is.
This man was born to be Pope. The first latin american to become Pope, and the first latin american Pope to eventually resign, this Pope is ready to lose everything in the service of the church, even his new job as Pope, but not his virginity. At this point he is pretty sure that he would rather die than have sex which means he believes that he will die before having sex. Maybe he’ll change his mind in heaven.
There could be a more relaxed attitude towards sex in heaven.