A number of hardcore talibanÂ members have come out of the closet with an edict requiring all modest men to be dressed modestly, covered from head to toe, lest they arouse the lust of those devout male muslims who are attracted to the same male sex.
The fatwa, as the religious edict is called, also pointed out that as an added benefit, this will reduce sexual contact and provocation from both sexes, because if until now an object covered with the islamic garmentÂ called the burkha would be identified as containing a woman inside, if men start wearing the same garmentÂ that would mean the sex of the object would not be assumed any more by lustful bystanders and potential rapists of either sex.
The fatwa went on to add that even the Prophet* had a liking for young boys, and he made sure they did not arouse the impure desires of other hardened fighters of the faith, by making them cover their heads and bodies with turbans and loose garments, and not allowing anyone draw, paint or make sculptures of these good looking males, like they did during the renaissanceÂ in the now decadent west.
“Can anyone resist not masturbating after seeing a photograph of the statue ofÂ David,Â the masterpieceÂ ofÂ RenaissanceÂ sculptureÂ created between 1501 and 1504 by the Italian artistÂ Michelangelo?” was the simple question stated further down the edict. “If that statue had been erected in Afganistan we would have destroyed it, like we did with the giant Buddhas of Bamiyan.” It is not like the BuddhasÂ made anyone that horny either… but still, you get our point.
Anyone seen not wearing the unisex burkha we are proposing, risks a similar fate.
There will be possible confrontations the gay taliban might have with other heterosexual talibans over this fatwa, but then these type of conflicts always happen between these types of groups, although sexually at least, they are not competing for the same booty.
“This is one of those situations with human beings, where there does not seem to be any reasons for their fighting and the still fight over it,” one the the Gay Talibans mentioned to our correspondent.
“But then, there can be no logic in the actions of these types of fanatics.” he added with a shrug.
So lock and cover up your daughters and sons!
Allahu Akbar Kar! (eng. God is great and gay!)
*) The Prophet refers to Muhammad the Prophet of Islam, Born: April 26, 570 AD, Mecca
Died a dirty old man: June 8, 632 AD, Medina