Mail order brides are the future of mail

Mail order bride just before being sent via mail
Mail order bride just before being sent via mail

With revenues from postage stamps falling fast, regular mail companies are looking at any venue to survive in the era of instant messaging and facebook.

Even revenues from parcels have fallen drastically, ever since the invention of iParcel, the latest service from Apple corporation, which delivers a parcel right on the top of your lap instantly via a technology known as teleportation.

The only ray of hope for postal service companies shining through from an unexpected corner via a crack on the thick clouds forming over the traditional business model of delivering mail for a fee, is mail order brides.

“Brides are fragile, and require careful shipping and handling”  a business analyst noted in a recent call with investors. “Just when we thought regular mail had no future, the future of mail presented itself in the form of these sensual creatures about to satisfy a growing demand from horny rich men in most countries and cities currently serviced by the regular mail companies.”

Some mail companies have devoted special services to this growing sector and are advertising heavily for a piece of the action. “Mail her cheaply, reliably and quickly with us. So that your bride does not get old and ugly in the mail” says a full ad on a public bus in the Canadian city of Toronto advertising the services of the country’s oldest mail company, Canada Post. “The check may be in the mail, but the bride is already there” boasts another ad from the US Postal Service.

Another ad from FedEx highlights their latest offering, dubbed “Beauty in a box”, to customers requiring next day delivery anywhere in North America, even from far off places like Russia or Mongolia.

To sweeten the deal, most mail companies even offer a “return” box, which may be used to return the bride to sender if everything is not found to the full and complete satisfaction of the shipping destination.

Everything has a future, even mail, or future mail.

However, all the other communications and transactions leading up to the ordering and shipping of the bride are currently performed via email and the internet, and that seems to be the way they are going to be done in the future.

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