We shower your virgin but otherwise dirty, unwashed mind with news. There is something here for everyone, from the filthy rich to the filthy poor and every other dirty bastard in between.
If you still have not guessed it from the first paragraph, Yes dumb knuckle, this is satire. Any resemblance to real people or accepted factual truth is merely coincidental, or at best sarcastic.
Take it with a grain of salt, or if that is not enough use the whole salt shaker.
Or don’t take it at all!
Do you have a story that makes one say “Wow!” and then “No Way!”? Do you have something that it has not occured to anyone before in the history of mankind, a beautiful virgin idea or story to be sacrificed at the altar of the news-hungry masses? The gods of news are hungry. Give it a shot!
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